Today on the podcast:

Dr. Tracy Dalgleish is a clinical psychologist, couples therapist, relationship expert, author, speaker, podcaster, and mom of two.

She specializes in helping women and mothers build healthy relationships and learn to be their best selves by helping them to let go of guilt, communicate their needs, and set boundaries in their life.

Through THERAPY, WORKSHOPS, and ONLINE EDUCATIONAL RESOURCES, Dr Tracy helps you identify what you feel and need, how to show up and be present in your life, and give yourself permission.

This was one of my favorite podcasts this year and I apologize if it felt like a mini therapy session; but I was hooked in this conversation from start to finish. I hope you get as much from it as I did.

Episode Outline

  • 06:53 The four Cs of a great relationship (and why people struggle with them)
  • 08:55 The link between our childhood, past relationship and how we can bring that baggage into our current romantic relationship if we are not careful
  • 11:07 Unlearning relationship patterns so you don’t act on automatic in a new or current relationship
  • 20:11 Attachment styles – anxious, avoidant, and insecure and how they get triggered when we are stressed
  • 26:58 Understanding triggers and four common vicious cycles that couples fall into
  • 31:53 Active versus passive resentment in a relationship
  • 35:11 Getting clear on your unmet needs
  • 38:54 The importance of boundaries
  • 44:21 Dealing with jealousy

Key Points

  • The four Cs of any great relationship are connection, curiosity, compassion, and co-creation. Following these four Cs allows people to set clear goals for their relationships. The biggest thing that gets in the way of our following these four Cs is our ego, and the makeup of our ego is largely shaped by childhood experiences around unmet needs.
  • We need to understand attachment styles because they offer a glimpse into how we will react in times of stress and anxiety. Also, attachment styles do not only illustrate how you receive care, but also how you provide care to your partner.
  • Some people see boundaries as excluding others. On the contrary, setting clear boundaries enables you to better exhibit empathy and care for people. This is obviously incredibly important in relationships, in which each person is able to understand and respect each other’s boundaries. By getting clear on your values and priorities, you meet your own needs. In doing so, you give yourself the bandwidth to then be able to meet the needs of those who are important to you.

Powerful Quotes by Dr. Dalgleish

  • What we’re most looking forward to in our relationships is knowing that we are important to the people that we love: knowing that we matter to them and that we are enough.
  • When building a healthy relationship, what we’re aiming for is interdependence. Interdependence is made up of two pieces: autonomy and intimacy.
  • A boundary is an invisible line between you and I. It’s where I end and you begin. You don’t get to control whether someone respects your boundaries. All you get to control is whether you are respecting your own boundaries.

Quest Info

Dr Tracy Dalgleish

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